June 23, 1991

I hated my childhood ...hated where I came from & the family I belonged to, where we lived, the car we drove & the clothes I wore.  I hated my mom, my step-dad, my father & mostly, I hated myself.

Anytime my parents went out, I'd fantasize about them never coming home.  If they died, at least I could miss them.  On June 23, 1991, my wish came true.  That was the day I lost my mom in fatal car accident.  She was 39 when she died, 81 days away from turning 40.

From that day on, I've always wondered if I'd live longer than my mom and I swore that no matter what, my life would be better.  At the age of 20, with a pile full of past and an ache for better, more and just plain away, I set out to be anything but my mother.

In 7 days, on March 28th, 2011, I will be 81 days from 40.  Have I succeeded?  Have I done better?  Am I so different from my mom?  If I do live longer, will I make it count?

I don't know exactly where this will take me but over the next 81 days beginning March 28th, I'll share some of my memories, quirks, thoughts and personal struggles in hopes of moving closer to contentment and getting out of my own way as I strive for better.