Frankly, there are things I may say here that will inevitably hurt or offend someone and the potential for that is making me hesitate. The reality is, I've lived nearly 40 years now constantly worrying about what others think of me ...a people pleaser to the core. I mean, god forbid someone doesn't like me. I remember my mom being so concerned with appearances and worried about what others thought. She would tell me time & time again that I was much prettier when I smiled. And so it went ...the need to lead with a smile whether I meant it or not ...hungry for approval & any kind of affirmation that I was likeable, smart, funny, worthy, etc. In fact, the ONLY time I didn't care about what others thought was if I was wasted, which of course, has always caught up with me ...unraveling the disaster that was or was not.
I can't help but wonder how much I am editing my words, myself, my life these days? I still want approval but more in the form of support, acceptance & feedback. I don't think we can ever show any one person all of us. I think different people allow us a safe platform to share certain parts of us and even expose ourselves safely ...but fully? I guess I need to ask myself, can I even give myself the acceptance to allow it from anyone else?
My brain is tired & it's time for bed.
Good night. :)
Usually when things you say hurt or offend someone all you have done is touch on the guilt they already have. Let both barrels go my dear.
ReplyDeleteAmy, you are brave and awesome to put yourself out there like this!! Xoxox :)
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